Disgusted. Utterly. Totally. Completely. Unmotivated. AND. Disgusted.
Just a few words to describe how I have been feeling about my lack of exercise and desire to eat healthy. I have no idea what happened. I used to be so on point. There was a time when all I cared about was running, drinking my shakes and only eating salads. Now-a-days, you can catch me stuffing a fat-ass burger in my face or woofing down bagels slathered with cream cheese….mmmmmmm! That sounds so delicious actually.
But fat cravings aside, I always know when I’m starting to gain weight because it goes to my face first. That’s the worse part about it. My face is my life, my everything, my money-maker (not really). So, once my face starts to give out, I feel like such a pathetic human-being. How can I possibly take tons of selfies with a chub-chub face? I can’t! Or, I can but I’d prefer not to. And no matter how much I try to eat to gain weight, hoping it goes to my ass, I always fail, and I end up gaining an ass in the front instead of the back, where it belongs. I don’t understand how some girls do it! How are you guys so lucky to eat whatever you want and not gain a lick of weight? I curse you all for being so damn perfect!
But on a serious note, I’m going to get back on my grind. Had I never stopped, I would be exactly where I want to be TODAY! I would be bikini ready! But it’s never to late to start, I just can’t give up this time. My main goal is to be slim and trim by May. Why? Because I will be in sunny, beautiful Cabo San Lucas for a friends wedding. I can’t go there looking like a beach whale who should be in the water and not on the shore.
But I digress…I was just talking to my roommate about being skinny and whether it’s an internal thing or entirely superficial. A lot of people are skinny and think they are fat because their self-esteem is down the shitter. If I don’t love me for me, I will never be happy, no matter how small I am. We were talking about girls who are always grabbing their tiny bit of fat on their stomachs and saying, “I am so fat!” But when I ask, “well, if you are fat, I must be obese!” And they respond with, “No! YOU ARE NOT FAT!” Well bitch, you aren’t either! LOL. But I guess that all has to do with self-reflection. Anywho, I’m going to get my shit together. And maybe I will vlog my experiences, because I refuse to continue to feel/look like rolly-polly-olly. I just simply REFUSE!
XOXO,
TJ
P.S. I literally just finished a big ass bagel and donut holes before typing this. The irony of it all……