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I Hate This Part Right Here

Caution! ::Girly Moment::

I hate reminiscing. But I just can’t help it sometimes. Certain conversations will trigger something, and my brain will wonder. Sometimes for days and sometimes only for hours. I had a long conversation with a coworker about emotions and feelings. Now, I’m up thinking about all the good and bad times I’ve shared with certain people. It’s times like this where I wish I wasn’t an emotional female! Why is it so easy for guys to brush their feelings aside? Can they teach me how to do it? As I’ve gotten older, I’ve found ways to suppress the feelings, but again, something will be said or done that triggers them all back to the forefront. I’ve realized that there are stages to getting over someone. The first stage is denial; separating is fresh, you make it seem like it doesn’t bother you, but it does. The second stage is anger; you hate this person and want absolutely nothing to do with them. You wonder why you even wasted your time. The third stage is regret; you regret not making things work, not putting in the effort. The fourth stage is reminiscing; you spend countless nights thinking of all the good times you had. The things about that person that make you smile. The songs that remind you of them, (girls, you know what I’m talking about) you might even have a playlist for them. The fifth stage is moving on; you find someone else to occupy your time. You convince yourself you can do better. And the sixth and final stage is being over it; you could careless what this person is doing or what they say to win you back. You’re done. At times, I feel like I’m at the final stage, I’m done, I’m OVER IT! Then, I revert back to the fourth stage where I’m reminiscing. When times were good, they were great. But when times were bad, it’s the worse it’s ever been. For guys, there are only two stages; all in or all out. There is no in between. How is it so easy for them? Are they naturally cold-hearted human beings? Or are they better at masking how they truly feel? I wish there were a handbook to life or a little crystal ball that would show me how everything will turn out. But there isn’t. Life is life. And it’s definitely what you make it. I can tell myself that until I’m blue in the face, but I need someone to smack me with reality. Some conversations are better left unsaid. Until I can figure out how to sort my emotions, I’ll keep this on repeat…..


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