I’ve been so busy vlogging that I haven’t been blogging; which sucks because this was my first love. I will never neglect you again!
I’ve also been M.I.A because there has just been too much going on in my life. One of my first loves passed away at the beginning of December. A thought that is still tooooo hard for me to comprehend. Since he passed, I have not been able to sleep well. I don’t know if it’s the fear of seeing him in my dreams or thinking he is in my home, but it’s been a rough few weeks for me.
I traveled back east to attend his funeral. I thought seeing him for a final time would make everything okay. It did for a day or so once I got back, but now, it’s hitting me like a ton of bricks that he is really gone. It’s final. Death is final. There’s no “sike!” and then he’s back. He’s gone. Under the ground. I’ll never be able to speak another word to him.
Not being able to talk to him is probably the worse feeling. About a year ago him and I had a falling out. We hadn’t spoken since. Boy do I wish I could take that back. I know everything happens for a reason, but I would have liked to say a proper “goodbye”. The circumstances of his death are so weird to me. I don’t know what was going on in his life, but I wish I could have been there to talk it out with him. I feel so bad for his family. I pray that they find the strength to move on and live life as he would want them to. Such a sad way to end this holiday season. And it’s all I’ve been able to think about. Sure, we all have our ups and downs with people and him and I had our share, but a life was lost. It’s so surreal. It’s so hard to believe. But it’s life and we are all born to die. The only thing I can do now is cherish his memory.
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So, that’s been my life for the past 2 weeks. That’s why I haven’t been posting. But I’m back, Vlogmas is over so I won’t be spending alllll of my time on YouTube.
With that being said, how was your Christmas holiday? Was Santa good to you?
Until next time….
XOXO TJ