As another year comes to an end I’m thinking of all the ways that I can change myself. I know every year as it gets closer to the New Year, people think of new revelations and resolutions to make themselves better. But for me this is something I’ve been thinking about for the past few months and I’m ready to see some serious change, a life detox if you will. It’s time to get rid of all the impurities, all of the toxicity that has been consuming my being. First and foremost I’m going to start with my health. I really think 2016 will be my year to get my body, mind and soul where it needs to be. It will be my year to be healthier, my year to be happier, and my year to just love myself. For the past few months I’ve thought about how I’m not going to worry about the opposite sex; how I just want to live a true and authentic life. I want to give the opposite sex a break. I’m tired of the heartache I’m tired of the frustration and I’m tired of the games. I’ve decided that this upcoming year will be the year of celibacy for me. I have no desire to be intimate with anyone. I more so want to focus on how I can make myself a better human being for when the time comes for me to meet the man I’m supposed to marry.
I always thought turning 30 was going to be the ultimate disaster in my life. But as it turns out, I feel a sense of freedom and I feel happy with the direction my life is going in. Now that I think of it, I said earlier that I wanted to be a better me in 2016, but I think what I really meant to say was that I want 2016 to be the year of me. I don’t feel like I need to better myself but I do feel like I need to take better care of myself; I need to worry about me and only me and my happiness and what’s important to me. I feel that over the years I’ve been so anxious to take care of the ones that I love that I lost myself somewhere along the way. I don’t want to be that person anymore. I want to feel like everything that I have done and everything that I will continue to do is because it is exactly what I wanted to do at that time. I don’t want to feel pressured to say yes. I want to be able to say no if that’s the answer that I really want to give. I want to be honest with myself and I want to be honest with those around me. I really want to strive to be a better friend and I want to learn to smile more and be happy, rather than angry or upset. I don’t want to be distracted by people who don’t have my best interests at heart. I want to occupy myself with activities that I care about instead of dwelling on things that I can’t change or fix. I want to stop overanalyzing everything and I want to accept the idea that what’s meant for me is meant for me. I want to come to terms with the fact that I can’t force things to happen; I have to let life happen naturally. I need to realize that there is no handbook on how to live life. Everyone is set out to be on their own journey and I need to embrace that reality.
I’ve always wondered why at a certain age people get so philosophical. It has since dawned on me that they aren’t getting philosophical, they’re growing. They are growing as people, they are growing in life, and they’re not in that 20-year-old mindset anymore. You don’t care about the things you once cared about. You know that any choices you make from here on out can determine what path your life ultimately goes down. So for now, I’m taking a time out on what my life once was. 2016 will be the year that I find out who I am. I can’t expect to meet the person who I think will be my soulmate if I don’t know who I am in my own right. Just thinking about the difference a year will make in my life makes me smile! I’m excited for what’s to come. I’m excited to take this opportunity to love myself and not expect anyone else to do that for me. So, while this is not a revelation or a resolution, it is the opportunity for me to be at peace and know that I am enough just the way I am. For so many years I have looked for acceptance when I didn’t need to. If you cannot take me as I am then you are not meant to be in my life. And from this moment on that is the mantra I will carry with me because I shouldn’t have to change for anyone but myself. With that being said…..2016 I am ready for you! Because I know that this time around I will be doing everything exactly the way that I want it to happen! I’m excited, but I’m afraid, and all at the same time I am thrilled to see the change not only physically, but within me.
XOXO, TJ