Wrong Side of the Bed

I always thought this idiom was kind of comical. How can one wake up on the wrong side of the bed? Wouldn’t it be all the same no matter what side of the mattress you woke up on? I know it’s not meant in the literal way, but still…who comes up with this stuff? While I would like to think that this saying is actually a bit ridiculous, I noticed today that I may have been one of this people who “woke up on the wrong side of the bed”. I’d like to think that typically I am a happy, cheerful person. Usually, if my day starts out well, it ends well and I’m happy to be among anyone I encounter. Today, however, was nothing like that at all. I woke up in the worse mood and really no reason to be in it. Everything was irritating me. I hate feeling like that. But this morning, I hated feeling anything. I just simply didn’t want to be bothered. I have my moments like this, where I just don’t want to be bothered, but today…..something about today was quite different. I was angry at the world, I was taking offense to everything, I hated everyone, I didn’t want to talk. I pretty much wanted to wallow in my own self-pity. And I don’t like being like that. Today, I’ve felt that nothing had purpose. That I was just simply here and there was no meaning to my life. Why are things the way they are? Why do I seem unhappy or unpleasant? What isn’t clicking? I’ve thought many times today that maybe I should just go back East. Maybe I should move back home where I feel like my support system is greater than what it is here. Maybe I should go back home where I feel like my opportunities in love and marriage will be greater. Maybe if I go back home everything I was running from before will be different. But it won’t be. There’s a reason I ran. And if I think going back will make things better, it won’t. It will make it worse. It will put me back in a bad space and I don’t need to be back there. What I need to do instead of threatening to run, is figure out what’s going on. What will make me feel confident in the choice I made 4 years ago when I packed up everything and made the trek out to sunny California? I’m in my head too much about everything. What will determine ultimate happiness for me so that I don’t continue to wake up on the wrong side of the bed? Because at the end of the day, feeling like this and being in a piss-poor mood solves nothing. I need to snap out of it! I need to realize that things aren’t as bad as I make them seem. And If they are, I am a big girl! I need to put on my big girl panties and do something about it. No one can help me change my destiny but me. I think the older I get, the more I realize that time is winding down. I haven’t done all that I’ve wanted to do, I’m not exaclty sure that I ever will, but it’s not too late to get out there and TRY. So, no more waking up on the wrong side of the bed. I’m going to tackle each day with a fresh new outlook. Things happen the way they are meant to happen. It’s all up to me and how I choose to make life happen.

#Wife